Most of the time, people want to feel like they belong somewhere, anywhere. More often than not, they get it from the smiles, the talks, the whispering of secrets from mouth to ears, the pat on the back, and the random phone calls. Uncertain of what to think of the whole situation when those mentioned are the exact things that you get and don't get at the same time. You're really just stuck in the space between yes and no. The grey spot. The blur between black and white. You exist at first and then you cease to exist almost immediately. Maybe it's just like adding a cordial drink into a still glass of water. You're bound to mix, but you just need a little stirring up, a little startling, a little push go before you can really get both liquids to bond.

But maybe, the smiles, the talks, the whispering of secrets from mouth to ears, the pat on the back, and the random phone calls is just not it. It's the afterward that matters. The afterward when it really shows, who meant what they meant. It's not a case of being under a spotlight but simply wanting to be remembered. Remembered without having to pour a whole lot of desperation out. It's pretty tiring trying to constantly remind yourself to remind others. It's not important but it definitely matters more than a tad bit.

It gets worst before it gets better. Who's dying anyway? Not you I hope.
There's another big wave coming up are you ready? Are you what you think you're made of?

Don't let me down.

10:35 PM